Cards Reshuffled

According to many, any good story should contain at least one Knight in shining armor, and one swooning Damsel in Distress. So does this one, in a way. Except the Knight wasn’t quite a knight, and the Damsel was more likely to cause distress in others.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Zaerini gave the man before her a considering look. He was fairly tall, and looked strong and healthy. The armor he was wearing was extremely shiny, and there was a symbol engraved on the breastplate. The everseeing eye of the Watcher. So he’s a Helmite then. Not the most fun type of person normally, but at least he ought to be trustworthy. That’s worth a lot. She let her eyes wander onwards, across a classically handsome, almost pretty face, over a neatly trimmed beard, dark brown hair and a pair of serious deep blue eyes.

Like what you see, kitten? Softpaws asked her.

I guess he’s pretty good-looking.

But?

But what? That doesn’t really mean anything in itself, you know. She sighed quietly as she recalled another face, and a pair of eyes darker than the ones in Anomen’s eager and slightly arrogant face. That doesn’t mean anything at all.

Don’t worry, kitten. You’ll find your male in time.

How do you know that?

Cats are good at that. When a cat’s in heat, she will find a way.

I hardly think that’s the same thing. But thanks anyway. Now let’s try to find out what this guy really wants.

“A warrior priest of Helm, is it?” Zaerini said. “And what makes you so eager to walk the ‘path of virtue’ along with me?”

The man puffed himself up. “My lady, allow me to more fully introduce myself and explain to you the nature of my quest.”

Quest. Great. Straight out of one of…one of Immy’s knight novels. Even down to the accent. He’ll be expecting me to swoon next.

“My full name is Anomen Delryn,” the man went on, “and I am a squire of the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart, and soon to be knighted.” He straightened his back and puffed his chest out even more at this. “I am, of course, an adventurer of no small renown, with several arduous campaigns already behind me, but it is the custom of the Order that all squires should travel without their fellows for some time before they receive the honor of full knighthood. This is to prove their capability, and that their hearts are as pure as their arms are strong. I have no doubt that I shall do splendidly.”

“Of course,” the bard said with a small grin. The man seemed incredibly convinced of his own magnificence. It was rather amusing actually. And it reminds me a bit of him. “So, what are you doing in this place, then?”

“Why, seeking out worthy adventurers of course, my lady!” Anomen frowned with disapproval. “’Tis a depraved and foul place to be sure, but I had hopes that I might still acquire some good companions here. Pray tell, my lady, who are you and your companions and what is the nature of your quest? You look to have been through a grave ordeal, but you are clearly far above the rest of this rabble.”

Rini looked around at the motley collection of people in various states of drunkenness and unpleasantness and she arched an eyebrow. “That’s nice,” she said. “I am Zaerini of Candlekeep. The big fellow you met earlier is Minsc, and the hamster is Boo. It should all become clear later. The lady next to me is Jaheira, an old friend. And these two are Aerie and Yoshimo, who have only recently joined us.”

Jaheira gave the Helmite a cursory nod, Yoshimo offered a small bow and an enigmatic grin. Aerie smiled shyly and said nothing.

“As for ‘quest’,” Rini went on, “ I mean to rescue my best friend, Imoen. She was taken by the Cowled Wizards, and I’m going to get her back. If that doesn’t put you off, I suppose you’re welcome to come along with us, at least for now. We can always see how things work out, no strings attached, all right?”

Anomen nodded eagerly. “To rescue a damsel in distress from the clutches of those greedy and power-hungry wizards sounds like a noble goal indeed. I will be pleased to join you.”

“Great. Well, it’s pretty late, and we were about to get some rooms. How about if you go along with Minsc and handle that? Tomorrow I’m planning to try to find out where Immy might have been taken.”

Anomen nodded. “It shall be done…and done well. Come, friend Minsc, let us see to acquiring chambers of repose posthaste! Duty waits on no man.” Followed by the large ranger he pushed through the crowd, earning himself more than one dark look as he headed for the bar.

Oh dear, Rini thought. I hope I haven’t made a big mistake. He doesn’t seem like a bad sort exactly, but he’s so…so…

Knightly? Softpaws suggested.

Yes. All stiffness and manners and armor polish. Well, at least he’s a Helmite. I’ve yet to hear of a Helmite who makes a habit of murdering people in their beds.

You never know, somebody has to be the first exception to the rule. And maybe he’s insane. Wanting to join people as scruffy as you has to mean something.

Ha ha. Very funny. I haven’t exactly had the opportunity to take a proper bath yet, but I will tonight. If they have one that seems safe, that is.

“Child?” Jaheira asked. “Are you certain this is wise?”

The bard shrugged and gave her friend a small smile. “No, of course not. But he’s willing to help, and that has to count for something. Right now we need all the help we can get. We’ll see what happens, hopefully he won’t be a complete disaster.”

From the bar Anomen’s raised voice could be heard as he demanded ‘proper respect as a member of the Order’. The barkeeper seemed amused by this idea.

“Yes,” Jaheira said. “Hopefully.”

A little later the same evening Aerie was sitting on her bed, deep in thought. She had been fortunate enough to get a room of her own. The other two women knew each other from before and were happy enough to share, and obviously it would have been very improper for ‘sweet, innocent little Aerie’ to share with any of the men. Pity, really. It’s been quite some time since I had a proper bedmate. True, men always seem to steal the blankets, but with a little suitable punishment they can be trained out of that. And they do make for good sport. Minsc would be out of the question of course, I’ve laid the innocence on too thick to play that angle. Yoshimo…that one is interesting, but I wonder about him. He keeps giving me these odd looks. I wonder what he suspects? Not the truth, or he would have told, but something. But there is something about him as well. I should investigate that further. Now, Anomen…there’s a promising candidate. Perhaps I should encourage him to court me. He’s exactly the right type, and he would make a fine ally together with Minsc. Perhaps I’d better wait until I know for certain that he’ll stay though. I cannot afford to waste the ‘True Love’ act too early. That’s such a precious one.

Aerie smiled to herself, fluttering her eyelashes as she practiced a look of radiant love. Oh Anomen…do you r-really love me? Is it…is it really t-true? These…these stumps on my back…they d-don’t make me look homely, do they? The smile widened even further as she imagined the likely response to that question. Oh yes. He’ll be mine. I shouldn’t even have to break a sweat. How about…Oh Anomen! I…I have been th-thinking, and I’ve decided that…that I want you to m-make a woman out of me at l-last! That’s a good one, they tend to lick that one up. Idiots. As if I wasn’t a woman to begin with, as if it was their pathetic pawing that could make me one. The nerve of it all. Though this human obsession with virginity is extremely useful. Odd that they so rarely seem to realize that healing spells are perfectly capable of making that a renewable asset. Not that it should be overdone of course. That’s a trump card, I’m not playing that until it benefits me the most.

Pleased with this decision, the Avariel considered the two other female members of the group. Jaheira may not exactly like me, but the fact that she believes herself superior to me is proving useful already. She may not let me get away with things in the same manner that Minsc would, but she believes in what she sees and hears. As long as I play my part, she will suspect nothing. The difficult part will be balancing the ‘sweet Aerie’ part so that I don’t put her off too badly while I encourage the boys. That thing about the aching feet was maybe a little too much, but I do need to test my limits after all. But perhaps it is time I asked her for some advice. That should be helpful. She enjoys telling people what to do.

Aerie nodded to herself, and slowly started combing out her hair, humming a sweet little melody to herself as she worked. Beneath the bed a pair of fuzzy little mice peeked out, their glittering black eyes watching in adoration. Disgusting rodents. Just you wait, you have it coming. And that goes for that miserable hamster as well. Now, my main target. Zaerini. I don’t think she suspects anything, nor does she love me. But she does feel sorry for me. And she’s one who’s used to assuming responsibility for her friends, and she already feels guilty over her lost companion. Yes. Guilt. That is the key, I think. It may not make her love me, but it should help keep me close. And then, once the time is right, and my Mistress gives the signal, I will strike. Now, if only I could run into my own old enemies as well, as my goddess promised me…

The elf clenched her hands with rage as the humiliating memories flooded back, nearly overwhelming her. Soon, they will pay. Soon they will pay dearly. She spotted the two mice who were edging closer, looks of devotion on their tiny faces. “Come here, little ones!” she said in her sweetest voice. “Want me to show you something nice? Something nice for such sweet little mice?” There was the skittering of tiny claws across floorboards, a hastily murmured spell, and a pair of tiny pained squeaks, rapidly cut off. Finally. Can’t stand that accursed squeaking. When I get my hands on that hamster I will shut it up once and for all, and preferably make Minsc eat it for dinner without knowing. The elf watched the two mice with a pleased look on her face. They were lying very still, little legs in the air, looks of agony on their tiny furred faces. Pity I couldn’t have dealt with that little Hellspawn Odesseiron child and that…that infuriating assassin as easily. But it will be all the sweeter for having been forced to wait for so long. I’m really going to have to think up something very special, something that will impress my Mistress with my creativity. Their pain will be music to my ears once I finally catch hold of them. Sweet, sweet music, fit for the Opera. It should be one of those really long performances, the kind that lasts for days.

So caught up was she in this delightful reverie that Aerie was quite startled at the sound of a quiet knock on the door. Smoothly she rearranged her features into a mask of timid innocence, hastily pinching her cheeks to bring out a shy blush. “Y-yes?” she called out, making her voice a little tremulous. “Who…who is it?”

“Only I, little fox,” came the answer from outside. “Only Yoshimo. May I speak with you?”

Fox? That doesn’t sound too good. As the Avariel pulled the door open, she made certain to smile timidly at the dark form rogue waiting outside in the shadows, looking up at him through long eyelashes. “Oh…Yoshimo! I…I was just about to go to b-bed…I’m very weary. But…but if I can help you with something…”

“That Yoshimo does not know,” the bounty hunter said. He was smiling that good-natured smile Aerie had seen him use before, but her instincts were all screaming loud warnings at her. That smooth face reminded her far too much of her own, and his slanted dark eyes were unreadable. “Perhaps you can, little fox. Perhaps not. But he is interested in finding out, all the same.”

Have to keep the act up. I may be wrong, and as long as I am uncertain I mustn’t give anything away. “Please…,” Aerie said, tilting her head to one side. “Come in. I…I do n-not know how I can h-help you, but I would like to try. I like helping people.” Preferably into a shallow, unmarked grave.

Yoshimo’s smile never wavered as he stepped inside the room, shutting the door behind him. “Of that, little fox, I have no doubts. Now, let us talk. I believe we have much to discuss.”