Cards Reshuffled

Once, just once, I’d like to see a messenger bearing good news for myself or my friends. News that didn’t involve doom, danger or distressing family matters. Just once, is that too much too ask?

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

“Right then,” Zaerini said as she strode through the gates of Athkatla. “We need to find Anomen, and we need to find him soon. We’ll just get settled somewhere first, preferably not the Copper Coronet this time, and then we’ll start looking. I heard somebody mention this place called The Five Flagons in the Bridge District that’s apparently quite nice.” Her voice turned a little wistful. “It even has a theatre downstairs, I heard.”

“And we will rent good rooms I hope?” Edwina asked, stretching and yawning a little in a way that had every male eye in the neighborhood immediately focus on her. “I’m tired of walking…I’m tired of talking…(if not as tired as of this laughable body) and I wish to rest now.” She gave the half-elf a very suggestive look through her long eyelashes. “Though I dare say that with the proper company ‘rest’ could easily be put off for some time…”

“We’ll get good rooms,” Rini promised, smiling at her lover. “Really good, I promise.”

“Ah, good. With nice, soft and above all large beds? (Or at least the one in our room.)”

“Yes, with large beds.”

“Private bath? Imagine the possibilities…”

“Uh…possibly…” Mmmm…I can just see her covered with bubbles…yummy.

“Mirrors on the ceiling?”

“Mirrors on the…what?”

“So I can see you properly all the time,” the wizard explained, a suspiciously innocent look in her dark eyes. “I would not wish to miss a single delicious movement, a single shift in color, a single ecstatic…”

“Yes, thank you, ‘Dwina!” the bard hastily interrupted, feeling a sudden heat in her cheeks that didn’t get the least bit better by the knowing way she saw Jan grinning at her, nor by Jaheira’s studiously neutral look. Minsc just looked puzzled, bless him.

“Minsc doesn’t use mirrors much,” the ranger said. “Boo tells him all he needs to know in order to look nice and clean.”

“Yes,” Edwina said, idly toying with her hair, “well, there are certain things better handled by a well-placed mirror than by the roving eyes of a hamster, strange as it may sound.” Then she gave the small and fluffy monkey sitting on her shoulder a stern look. “No, Insufferable,” she said. “That goes for you too.”

Jaheira shook her head impatiently. “If you children are quite finished, time is a wasting, and we should…” Then the druid suddenly broke off in mid-sentence, looking across Zaerini’s shoulder with a suddenly concerned look on her face. The bard turned around, seeing a woman pushing towards them through the crowd, a short elven woman wearing a gray hooded cloak that concealed most of her features. “Greetings, Jaheira,” she said in a soft and musical voice. “Your presence is required.” She briefly raised her hand, and Rini could just about make out a flash of silver. It wasn’t enough to make out any details, but Jaheira visibly stiffened.

“I…does it have to be now?” she asked, sounding angry, but mostly trapped in a way that made Rini feel extremely uncomfortable. It wasn’t like Jaheira to behave so diffidently with anybody.

The elf nodded. “It does,” she said, her face calm and impassive. “You are summoned. You know what that means.”

“Yes, but I have other duties as well! I cannot simply leave!”

Leave? Now hold on a…

“I believe this will not take long,” the elf said. “You should be back shortly. Now, will you come…or not?”

Jaheira’s knuckles whitened around her quarterstaff, trembling a little, and Zaerini was alarmed to see the trapped look on her face. “Jaheira?” she tried, putting her hand on the other woman’s arm. “It’s the Harpers, isn’t it?” she whispered. “If you really have to go, then don’t worry, I understand. You can catch up with us later.”

“Don’t tell me what I can or cannot do, child!” the druid snapped, but she immediately calmed down, rubbing hear fingers wearily against the bridge of her nose. “No…I am sorry. I did not mean to be grumpy…it is simply…very well. Can you stay out of trouble for a short while?”

“Huh, of course I can! Don’t be ridiculous. But what about you? Suppose they’re mad at you, over…well, you know.” She whispered the next few words. “Over that Harper Assassin. Maybe you shouldn’t go alone.”

“Do not worry, child. I can handle this. All will be well, I am certain.”

The elf cleared her throat impatiently. “Jaheira,” she said. “We are expected.”

Jaheira gave her a withering glare. “I know that fully well,” she said, “but I have other obligations than those we…share.” She turned to Zaerini again. “I will not be long. Await me at this ‘Five Flagons’ then, I will come as soon as I can.” With that she gave the younger half-elf a brief hug, nodded to the rest of the party, and then walked off with the elf. Zaerini suddenly realized that it felt extremely odd, and not at all comforting to not have Jaheira at her side. Though they hadn’t always got along, the druid had still become a close friend, and somebody she trusted. And she had been there from the start, all the way from the Friendly Arm Inn. Well, she said it wouldn’t take long. Some sort of boring Harper business I’m sure, I’m well out of that lot.

The adventurers walked on, heading deeper into the city. Inwardly, Rini was counting. Ten…eleven…twelve…

“You know,” Jan piped up, “all this secret society business reminds me of a story!”

Thirteen. New record. “Yes Jan?”

“Well,” the gnome went on, “it all involved one relative of mine, little Samantha Jansen.”

“Just out of curiosity,” Edwina said in a weary voice, “but exactly how many relatives do you really have? And can we skip to the part where this one dies, or would you rather skip to the part where the present Jansen dies?”

“Well, it’s rather hard to keep count you see, Red, since Jansens have always been fast breeders! And not to worry…you see, poor little Sammie was dead to begin with.”

“That’s a new one,” Zaerini said, raising her eyebrows.

“Yes…you see, the poor child had the unfortunate habit of walking about with her hair hanging in front of her face, in order to try to look scary. Not just her face either, it hung all the way to her ankles. I’m afraid she was a very bad little girl, she made this evil little giggle whenever she’d managed to spook some unfortunate soul into a nosebleed by popping out of her hair right in front of them. Anyway, the hair also kept her from seeing where she was going, and one day she fell into a well and drowned.”

“But,” Edwina said, looking rather dismal, “of course that wasn’t the end of it.”

“Right you are, Red! Indeed it wasn’t. You see, little Sammie was such a vicious kid that she rose from the well as a slimy ghast seven days later, deadlier than ever. And seeing that she was now an Undead Evil Kid, rather than just an Evil Kid, she thought it would be a lark to join the Twisted Rune, that hideously Evil organization of majorly Evil Entities. Especially since they all wore these really neat red fezes with gold tassels…oh, you would have liked those I’m sure. They turned her down though, said it wasn’t anything for kids. Oh boy, did that ever make her mad! Sammie swore bloody vengeance against all the Twisted Rune at once, of course, and her revenge was gruesome.”

“What did she do?” Edwina sighed.

“Drew these really disturbing crayon images all over the walls in their Secret Headquarters,” Jan promptly replied. “Enough to drive anybody mad, it’s said, or kill them if they’re lucky. I heard there was this one beholder whose eyes exploded just from viewing them.”

“But what were they of?” Rini asked.

“I didn’t see them myself of course,” Jan said, scratching at his beard. “But I heard they portrayed this hideously cute little purple dinosaur named ‘Blarney’. And there were apparently sound effects too, etched into the very walls by Sammie’s magic…the story ends with a warning. ‘Just before you die, you hear him sing’.” Then he smiled brightly. “Anyway, let’s hope our dear Jae fares better, eh?”

“I can’t see how she couldn’t,” Edwina muttered. “At least she doesn’t have to listen to your stories. (I suppose we should count ourselves fortunate he didn’t see fit to accompany this particular gem with a tune.)”

By now they were nearing the Bridge District, and the sun was soon about to set. “Right,” Zaerini said. “Let’s hurry up a little, we want to get there before it gets too dark. Plenty of muggers about these parts, I shouldn’t wonder.”

Hardly had she finished this sentence before a small, dark shape darted out of an intersecting alley, nearly running into her. She already had her hand on her sword by the time the creature took a step back, revealing itself to be an unusually small gnome, with wildly sticking out hair dyed into black and yellow stripes, and wearing a scarlet tunic. He beamed brightly at Jan, then set his thumb against his nose and waggled his fingers about. “Hey, turnip boy!” he said.

“Who dar... Beeloo?” Jan said, and then crowed with delight, thumping the other gnome’s back. “Beeloo, my dear cousin Beeloo! Is it really you?”

“Who else, dear cousin? I see that you've gathered some formidable friends since I've last seen you.” The little gnome peered up at the adventurers, smiling all the while.

Jan nodded. “Well they're not gnomes but they're not a total loss either. Some of them can get through an entire battle without my needing to baby-sit them. Quite remarkable for the non-gnomish. And there are some interesting stories connected to them too, magic mystery and mayhem. Where's your elephant?”

The other gnome didn’t seem the least bit puzzled by this sudden change of subject. “Back in the circus. Judge didn't think elephants had the right to choose in a custody battle. Poor Jeffery. Nailed me with a theft charge, too. Just got out of prison.”

Jan clucked his lips in a disapproving fashion. “Legally?”

“Tsk, who do you take me for, cousin? As if any true Jansen would lower himself to that. No. They should hire a better locksmith. Listen, Jan, you haven't come by the house for a long time. We've been looking for you.”

“Have you?” Jan said, looking instantly concerned. “Is something wrong? Ma Jansen is all right, isn’t she? And the tots?”

Beeloo nodded. “It’s Lissa,” he said, his voice subdued. “She’s staying with us now.”

And then Zaerini saw something totally unexpected. Jan became suddenly very pale, and all traces of humor, silliness or mischief left his eyes, which turned dark and cold. “Did he hurt her?” he asked, and every word dropped from his lips like poisoned rain.

Beeloo fidgeted a little, not quite meeting his relative’s eyes. “You should talk to her yourself. I promised to give you the message but I have to go. Been dodging bounty hunters for days.” He clapped his cousin on the shoulder. “Farewell cousin. See you soon.”

“Farewell Beeloo,” Jan said, and his mind was clearly already on other matters. Then he turned to his companions, still with that grim expression on his face. “It looks like something serious is afoot. I'll have to be heading back to my home in the Slums District.”

“If the little gnome is in trouble, then Minsc and Boo and friends will help!” Minsc immediately suggested. “Friends help their friends, or they wouldn’t be friends at all!”

Rini nodded. “Right you are, Minsc. Jan, we’ll come with you of course, if you’ll allow it.” Ano needs me, but Jan needs me here and now. We’ll go see what the problem is, and then I can decide which seems most urgent. And then there’s Jaheira…I really hope she’ll be back soon. If only everything didn’t have to happen at once!

“I would be grateful, your Worship,” Jan said. “I cannot be certain exactly what has happened, but I have my suspicions. Let’s go there at once, and I’ll tell you a story as we walk. But I’d better warn you, it’s not a very happy one…”