Cards Reshuffled

Not every member of an adventuring party is equally suited for every task, of course. Personally I wouldn’t dream of trying to charge a small army, trusting only in my sword to keep my alive. And conversely, certain other people are equally handicapped when it comes to the art of subterfuge.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

Minsc was happy to be going out in the woods again soon. While there was much Evil to be fought in the city, he always felt especially good when there were trees all around, and flowers on the ground, and cute little squirrels hopping about everywhere. And in the forest he could let Boo run about and play, with no risk of anybody stepping on him. There were the wild animals to think of, on the other hand. Once, when he was still traveling with Dynaheir, Boo had chased a poor bear up a tree so that it was afraid to come down, despite Minsc calling out to it in his most soothing voice. He privately resolved to make certain Boo didn’t scare any other poor animals on this trip.

But first, his Witch meant to go into the city, to speak to the mayor. Minsc thought this was a good idea. His Witch needed something to do. She had seemed very upset when the nice lady had told her fortune. Minsc wasn’t certain why. His own fortune had been very nice, but his Witch wouldn’t tell anybody what she had been told. She just said that she couldn’t remember much, except that it wasn’t nice. Boo said that she was telling the truth, and that it would be better to leave her alone. Minsc had agreed, but he wasn’t happy about it. If his Witch was upset, he wanted to help.

And right now, he meant to help but coming along into the city, even though Boo was having much fun playing with the little boy who had taken them to see the nice fortune telling lady.

“There we are!” Jan said as he cast his final spell. “All of us safe and sound now.”

“If not soundproof…” Anomen muttered. “I could have done without that ridiculous story about the Invisible Man and the Invisible Woman, and especially without the sound effects.”

“Ah, but Ano, I thought you might benefit from it, help you adjust, sort of thing!”

“We won’t stay invisible forever, Jan,” Zaerini’s voice said from close to Minsc’s right. “Only for as long as we need to get inside the town and find the Mayor. Now then…everybody ready?”

Minsc looked at himself, which was very funny, because he couldn’t see himself at all. He couldn’t even see Boo, but he could feel the hamster sitting securely on his shoulder, so that was all right, and Boo told him that he shouldn’t worry, because Giant Miniature Space Hamsters were quite used to people not seeing them for what they were. “Minsc is ready!” he said, and from the sheath on his back Lilarcor piped up. “Oooooh YEAH!” the sword screamed. “Covert operations…that’s my specialty! Quietly, quietly…and then WE’LL RUN SCREAMING AT’EM AND CHOP ALL THEIR HEADS OFF! IN SPRAYS OF BLOOD! BLOOOOOOD!”

There were assorted yelps and startled movements from all around, and then Jaheira’s sharp voice rang out. “If that sword does not keep whatever passes for its mouth shut, then I shall bury it in rock.”

“So that only the one worthy to be King can pull me out?” Lilarcor asked. “Yeah…I like that!”

“No, I meant bury you under a landslide, so that only those well versed in archeology can pull you out, in about a thousand years or so. Now be quiet.”

“Minsc is sorry,” Minsc apologized. “Lilarcor, you be a good sword now, and be real quiet and sneaky, just like Minsc and Boo showed you.”

“That’s it,” Edwina muttered. “We’re all doomed.”

“Now you’re starting to sound like Xan,” Zaerini said. “Everything will be fine. All right, each one of you take the hands of two of the others now. Since we’re all invisible, we don’t want anybody to get lost.”

Minsc immediately reached out his hands, and grasped two others. One belonged to his Witch, of that he was certain. The other was female too…and since there were no calluses from fighting, it had to belong to…

“Ow!” Edwina said. “Stop squashing my hand, you great big lug! How am I supposed to summon my devastating magic if you break all my fingers? Using my left foot? (And who is this holding my other hand…please tell me it isn’t…)”

“Minsc promises to be careful,” Minsc said. “And he will make certain the Evil Girl Wizard doesn’t get lost, or does any naughty things. Little Rini wouldn’t like that.”

“My lady…” Anomen said, sounding suddenly ill. “Please tell me it is your dainty hand I am holding in mine, and not…”

“No, I’m between Minsc and Jaheira,” Zaerini said.

“But…Helm’s Beard! No! Please, no! My lady, I would do just about anything you requested of me…but to hold hands with that creature? Her foulness is bound to smear my soul.”

“You don’t think I enjoy it, do you?” Edwina snarled. “I shall have to disinfect my hand when we’re done, to rid myself of the stench, probably chapping my skin in the process. (Holding hands with a squire of the Order…and without any social graces whatsoever at that…can things get more humiliating?)”

“Oh, stop griping,” Zaerini said. “We need to get into the city unseen, and this is the best way. Just behave, would you?”

“Chin up, Ano!” Jan said. “I’m holding your other hand, after all…no need to fear, the gnome is here!”

Anomen groaned.

With the group entirely invisible, getting past the guards at the gate proved an easy taske. Fortunately it was evening, and most of the townspeople were inside, which meant less risk of somebody raising the alarm after bumping into invisible people. Minsc thought that Trademeet was a very pretty city, much prettier than Athkatla. The houses were neat and painted in bright colors, and the streets were decorated with colorful rocks forming different patterns, and had beautiful lanterns lighting the way. In the round main square there was a sparkling fountain, and Minsc felt tempted to let Boo swim a little, but he knew that following his Witch was more important. Perhaps later.

Eventually, they reached the Mayor’s house, a large and wealthy looking one, despite Anomen and Edwina taking every opportunity to kick each other, or trip each other up, and then blaming it all on being invisible.

“The shiny priest and the Evil Girl Wizard must stay silent,” Minsc eventually told them, using his firmest voice. “Minsc’s Witch said so, and they must obey. You both must be good and stay quiet like Minsc and Boo, and walk properly, or Minsc will carry you both like little children too young to walk on their own.” Boo squeaked his agreement.

“Thank you, Minsc,” Zaerini said, sighing with relief. “I think that pretty much says it all. Jan, the door is all yours.”

While the priest and the wizard both stayed sullenly silent, Jan worked on the lock, and it didn’t take him long to get it open. The party slipped inside, and presently they noticed a glimmer of light coming from beneath a closed door to the right of the hallway they had first entered. As Zaerini quietly crossed over to the door and pulled it open, Minsc followed, determined to stay close to his Witch. A gray-haired man was sitting at a large desk inside the room, his head bowed over some papers. Now and then he would sigh, or rub at his eyes. Minsc thought he looked both tired and unhappy, and first thought of offering his help, but then remembered about staying really silent and quiet. Unfortunately, Lilarcor didn’t.

“Murder, death, kill!” the sword screamed in its loudest voice as it became aware of the man. “MURDER, DEATH, KIIIIIILLLL!”

“Be quite, naughty sword!” Minsc shouted. “Be quiet and dis-creet, just like Minsc! That means no shouting, no screaming, and no killing of the nice man.”

The nice man in question had jumped to his feet with an oath, and now he was looking rather wild-eyed as the party materialized all around him. “I don’t know who you are,” he said, “but I will sell my life dearly!”

“Whoa, whoa!” Zaerini exclaimed, holding up her hands in the air. “We don’t want to fight you…we just want to talk about this druid problem of yours.”

“And that is why you sneak into my home in the middle of the night? How do I know you aren’t assassins?”

“If we were, would we be standing around here talking to you?” The bard frowned, raking a hand through her red hair. “Come to think of it…that Nimbul fellow probably would have. So would that Harper assassin that we ate…I mean met.” She smiled brightly. “But if we were any good at being assassins, I’m sure we wouldn’t, so you’re safe either way, see? Either we’re not assassins, or we’re really bad ones.”

The man looked more confused than ever. “That…makes some sense,” he said. “Very well. I am the High Merchant of Trademeet, Lord Logan. Who are you, and what is it that you wish of me?”

Explaining that took a few minutes, but then the High Merchant visibly calmed down. Then he started explaining too, and Minsc did his best to keep up, being eager to help. The druids outside the town had been nice before, and so had the animals of the forest, but now the druids had turned Evil, and were attacking the town, using the poor little animals to help. This Minsc knew from before, and it still made him angry. But there was new news as well. The people in the town had caught one of the Evil Druids, and were holding him captive in one of the cells in the very house where Minsc now stood. This was all well and good, but then it got confusing, because the High Merchant wasn’t certain that the druid was Evil at all.

“Then why is the druid in a cell?” Minsc asked, frowning. “If he is not Evil, then it is wrong to have him locked up, he should be let out to run free through the hills like a hamster!”

Lord Logan sighed. ”I truly wish that I could,” he said. “I do not believe he is guilty, but if I release him now he will be in danger from the townspeople. I do not even trust all my guards to protect him, sorry as I am to have to say it. No, I dare not let him go…unless…”

“Yes?” Edwina asked. “No doubt you are about to commission us for some ridiculously dangerous and underpaid mission or other. (Not that I blame him, who wouldn’t want my kind of genius working for him rather than against him?)”

“I wonder if you might consider escorting him to the Druid Grove,” Lord Logan said. “He claims he will help deal with the druids if he can only go there. Will you do that for me? I would be very grateful.”

Zaerini shrugged. “I suppose it can’t hurt to talk to him,” she said. “But if we do help with this, we will expect to get paid for it. Gratitude is all well and good, but it won’t pay any bills…and my best friend is in deep trouble you see. I’ll need a large sum to get her out of it.”

“That can be arranged, I am certain. Especially if you can also do something about the genies who have started monopolizing the trade here…”

The bard smiled. “Excellent. Let’s talk deal then. And then you can take us to meet his druid of yours. I have to admit, you’ve made me rather curious about him.”

“Yes!” Minsc agreed. “We must let Boo take a look at him, to see if he is Evil or not! Boo’s nose knows best. He will sniff out the truth, and burrow it out, and then he will take it in his mighty hamster teeth and shake it free of all Evil Lies.”

“Yes…” Zaerini said. “That sums it up pretty well, I guess.”

“Minsc is good with voc-ab-ulary. Or rather Boo is, but he is kind to share his wisdom with Minsc. Should Minsc and Boo still be quiet and make no noise? If so, Minsc will gag noisy sword.”

“Hey!” Lilarcor sputtered. “I resent that, meathead! I’m not just a kitchen knife you know, I’m a sentient sword, one who once was a moonblade and…”

“Yes,” Zaerini said, her voice greatly determined. “Please do.”