Cards Reshuffled

If you ever thought genies are nice things, that are happy to grant your every wish, then think again. They can grant your every wish, but that doesn’t mean they want to, and they like nothing better than using your own words to trip you up, while following the letter of your agreement. Only deal with them if you strongly suspect you can outthink them.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

“That,” Anomen said, “is not a human!”

“Why, I do believe you’re right,” Edwina remarked with a small sneer. “Whatever could have tipped you off? That he’s half again as tall as a human? Or perhaps that he just shot out of the ground when we appeared, without digging? Oh, wait. Could it be the way he floats in the air, or the tiny blue hedgehog he just conjured up and ate? (He’s as observant as a rock, this one.)”

“It’s a genie!” Zaerini said, hastily speaking up before Anomen could get a word in. She didn’t have the energy to deal with another fight right now. “Gods…I’m sure tired of them by now. But I wonder what it’s doing here.”

“Something wicked, no doubt,” Jaheira said, watching the genie with suspicion. He was floating about outside one of the colorful tents erected right outside the Trademeet city wall, and he looked much like a large man, dressed in traditional Calimshite fashion, with a short red vest displaying his bare chest, puffy purple trousers with a wide red belt, and a turban on his head. As he noticed the adventurers watching him, he gave them a slow and lazy grin, something that made his dark and bearded face take on a rather sinister look. There seemed to be too many teeth for his face, for one thing, and they sparkled a bit more than seemed natural.

“Maybe,” Rini agreed. “But I want to go see what he’s doing here. You never know, he might be able to tell us something about all those rabid animals.” As she approached, the genie gave her an amused look, snapped his fingers and immediately produced a golden monocle, then watched her through it, his eyes glittering with malicious interest.

“What have we here?” he asked. “A little wayfarer, is it? Would you like me to turn you into something more amusing? A statue, perhaps? Or a golden figurine?” He chuckled to himself.

“Don’t even think about it,” Edwina snarled, “or you’ll find yourself slammed into a magical bottle filled with troll snot, faster then you can say ‘Make a Wish’.”

The genie laughed out loud this time, his stomach bouncing up and down. “Ha ha! You are a strange one, mortal! You are... a female, are you not? I have not seen many of your kind.” He smiled suggestively at the wizard. Would you do a little dance for me, mortal? I do so love to watch your forms writhe! It does so remind me of the janni of home!”

“Oh yes, Edwina,” Anomen said, looking highly amused. “Won’t you ‘writhe’ a little for us? It should be most entertaining to watch.”

“There is this dance with seven veils,” Jan remarked, grinning. “But since we don’t have them, perhaps handkerchiefs will work just as well?”

Edwina had bright red spots in her cheeks by now, and she was practically spitting with fury. “Silence, you idiots! I will not perform for the pleasure of dull-witted bovines, chewing their own phlegm and regurgitating it as ‘humor’. (And any dancing here will be done by them, once I set their feet on fire.)”

“Minsc and Boo will dance with the Evil Girl Wizard if she wants to,” Minsc said. “Minsc is very good at dancing, for he is strong enough to spin a girl around and around very fast. Boo must do the leading though, because Minsc isn’t that good at counting and remembering where his feet must go, and if I step on the feet of the ladies they get upset.”

“She doesn’t want to dance, Minsc,” Rini said, and then gave Anomen a firm look. “And as for you…leave off. That was going too far.”

“But my lady…”

“And you,” the bard told Edwina, “can’t you just stop needling him for five minutes? Thank you.” What am I ever going to do with them?

I have a few interesting ideas, Softpaws suggested. But since you only want one mate I suppose you won’t want to try them. Anyway, you ought to make that clear to them, and soon. Males tend to fight over females they want, after all.

Yes, I know…this whole business is really driving me up the wall. But Ano still hasn’t said anything openly…I think I’d better concentrate on Edwina for now. If I can work things out with her, and get it into the open, then I think the rest will fix itself. “So,” she said to the genie. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

The genie winked at her, and smiled that uncomfortably too large smile again. “If you have business with us, mortal, you must speak to our Khan... oh, yes, I am sure he will be more than willing to deal with you!” He gestured magnanimously towards the interior of the tent and bowed. Rini shared a look with her friends. “Well,” she said. “Here we go, I suppose.” Then she ducked inside, and stopped just inside the opening, looking about her in wonder.

She was immediately reminded of the illusionary castle that Kalah had created in the transformed circus. For one thing, the inside of the tent was far larger than the outside. And the walls, which should have been a rather garish purple cloth, were instead white marble, veined with pink. So was the floor, and there was a soft light shining out of it. It felt a bit like being inside a giant conch shell. There were soft and satiny pillows here and there on the floor, and gold and jewels sparkled from the interior of many half-open chests standing along the walls. Probably that’s an illusion too. I wouldn’t be surprised. The three genies floating in the air at the other end of the room she suspected were real though. They looked much like the one outside, though the one in the center was dressed in red, and had a large ruby decorating his turban and another on his belt. The other two wore blue, and were slightly more modestly outfitted.

“Careful,” Edwina whispered to her, touching her arm lightly. “Do not make any agreements with them without considering their words very carefully. Genies are very clever when it comes to twisting a deal, and they love nothing better than to fool mortals.”

“I’ll be careful,” the bard said, giving the other woman a brief smile. “And you’ll watch my back, won’t you?”

Something sparkled briefly in the wizard’s dark eyes, but her face remained serious. “Of course,” she simply said. “Always.”

As Zaerini and her friends stepped closer, the leader of the genies beckoned them invitingly forwards, and as he did so the light intensified. “Greetings to you, wayfarer! I am Khan Zahraa of Calimshan, a Dao djinn, at your service!”

“Dao…” Edwina murmured, leaning in closely enough that her lips almost touched Rini’s ear. The feel of her breath and the closeness of her scent made the half-elf’s skin tingle in a highly distracting manner, and she had to concentrate hard not to get carried away. “They are from the elemental plane of Earth. I suspected as much when I saw the one outside. They have vast powers in that element.”

“And I guess it’s not a good idea to annoy them?”

“Not unless you wish to end up as an earthworm, no. (Not that I would ever allow that, of course.)”

“What are Calimshite genies doing here in Trademeet?” Jaheira suspiciously asked. “I cannot imagine you are up to any good.”

The Dao nodded, seeming not the least offended. “Yes, this does beg a question, mortal, does it not? The Dao would not normally choose to make such a place our home, even temporarily, indeed. Suffice it to say that we have come on a service, hunting a criminal of some repute from Calimshan... a rakshasa by the name of Ihtafeer.”

“A rakshasa!” Edwina exclaimed, sounding more like herself than Rini had heard her all day. It seemed that the discussion of strange creatures was perking her up a little. “I have read of those. A form of spirits, who take on humanoid form, but with animal-like traits. They are very adept at illusion spells, partially resistant to magic, can only be harmed by magical weapons and they enjoy the taste human flesh. They take every opportunity to torment mortals they set their sights on.”

“Very good, little mortal,” Khan Zahraa said, nodding. “This particular rakshasa we have hunted for months, for she has stolen something that I am…attached to. She must be punished for this effrontery, yet so far she has eluded us. But we have a plan.” He laughed again, his eyes shimmering a dull orange for a few moments. “We Dao buy all that comes here, you see, and charge prices too high for the mortals to afford... and we will not relinquish it until the mortals find this rakshasa for us. Eventually, they shall run out of their food and such and they will become desperate enough to do it. Or not. Regardless, the hunt is less taxing and far more amusing this way, don't you agree?”

“Fiend!” Anomen cried out, his cheeks flushed with anger. “You make honest people starve and suffer for your own selfish purposes? Tell me why I should not smite you at once!”

“You could,” the genie said. “If you desire to spend the rest of your life transformed into something humorous, such as a whale, or a crystal vase of pansies. It is your choice, oh impatient one!”

“Genies are fond of that sort of thing, aren’t they?” Jan remarked, scratching his beard. “I actually have a half-genie in the family you know, my half-aunt Jeannie Jansen. She couldn’t turn herself into smoke though, like you folks can, only sludge, and it was always pretty messy. Anyway, she was good at turning things into other things, particularly griffins into thimbles, for some odd reason. Not very useful if you ask me, thimbles aren’t really that expensive. She got married to this fine fellow called Junior, nice man, big smile just like you have, and they were very happy for a while, especially since she told him stories every night. But then came the fatal day. Auntie Jeannie turned herself into sludge in order to relax some cramped muscles in her neck, and then Junior just pounced on her, spreading her all over the ground. He was really a thimble you see.”

“A…thimble?” The genie sounded slightly disoriented.

“Oh yes! A thimble that had turned itself into a griffin, for revenge, and then into a human to fool Auntie Jeannie. Perfectly simple. I’m afraid he treaded her into the carpet so badly that we could never get the stain out, and once she finally reassembled herself her mouth had wound up below her left ear, and her nose was upside down. That was what eventually killed her, she went out in the rain and accidentally drowned. So you see, if you keep turning things into other things, you may just find a thimble waiting for you some day.”

Khan Zahraa was silent for a few moments, his mouth hanging open. Then he shook his head, clearly trying to gather his thoughts. “If you wish to hunt little Ihtafeer for us, mortals, then we will be happy to leave, and will even reward you. What say you?”

“I suppose we might try,” Rini slowly said. “It couldn’t hurt to keep an eye out for this rakshasa thing. Any idea about where to look?”

“No, little mortal. But she will be in hiding, probably disguised as one of your kind. Bring us back her head, if you do manage to kill her, and we will gift you with something useful.”

“We’ll think about it,” the half-elf said. “Oh…and what was it she stole from you?”

“That, I will not say. It is my business, and my business alone. Concern yourself with the rakshasa, wayfarer. I will see you again only if you bring me her head, or if you wish to trade with us.”

So, Zaerini thought. He doesn’t want to tell us, does he? Something tells me it could be a good idea to find out about it, all the same…