Makings of a Monster

Sarevok whirled his wine in the glass, his face an emotionless mask. It wasn't that he didn't like the taste: it was good wine. But he had no wish to get drunk. He had seen too close how alcohol had almost consumed Winski, even though the man had still been under the illusion that he was consuming it, and Reiltar, sitting beside him, was getting more and more drunk. And that did nothing to make him like his stepfather more.

It was his birthday, and he was 15 years old now. As far as law, and the Iron Throne, were concerned, he was an adult man. During the formal festivities it seemed like Reiltar actually was somehow proud of him, boasted to others how his son was such a warrior and handsome lad to boot. If you actually think so, 'father', why didn't you ever say me so? Or hug, even once, or ruffle my hair, like Winski does. Not that I'd care for your hugs any more, or would have cared in years.

- "So. Now it is time for us men continue the more rowdy part of evening," slurred Reiltar, and Jelena, who had worn her modest little wife expression all the evening, nodded and started to leave.
- "I think I'll take my leave with Jelena," said Winski, who had drunk only water all the evening. "Safer for her like that anyway."
- "Hey, what's your hurry! Take some wine and have fun, mage!" coaxed Reiltar, the familiar malevolent glee in his eyes.
- "I don't drink alcohol anymore." Winski's voice was level, but his eyes flashed.
- "Who do you think you are kidding, Winski? You were a drunk, and you will always be a drunk. So why not give in? You can as well enjoy it before you die of it," hissed Reiltar.
- "Thank you for your kind invitation. I will, nevertheless, leave now," said Winski, and Sarevok noticed hoping that he, too, could leave with them. Well, no doubt they will enjoy their evening together, he thought with half-smile.

- "Sarevok, son!" shouted Reiltar and slapped his shoulders. "More wine to my handsome son!"
The waiter wisely refrained from pointing out that Sarevok still hadn't drunk half of what he had in his glass and nominally poured some more.
- "Maybe you think that I have been a little harsh to you sometimes, Sarevok?" mused Reiltar in a heart-to-heart tone.
Oh, you could say that, 'father', given that a few times you have almost killed me and that most of my beatings had no reason at all.
- "But don't you think I have got some beatings as well? We had four sons, and we all got a beating in a row... and I was always the one who lasted longest before crying aloud!" he explained, clearly proud. "When I was a small kid I thought that bad but nowadays I'm grateful to my father. He made me the man I am. He made me strong, and ambitious enough to take what I want. That's all I ever wanted for you. To make you strong."
Sarevok merely nodded. Who do you think you are fooling, 'father'? Not me. It is rather obvious that you enjoy yourself immensely when you hurt someone who can't defend themselves. And besides, have you any idea how much I hate you? How much I would like to kill you, right now, with my bare hands? How many of your belts are still soaked with my blood? How long will it take before I can enjoy any woman's beauty, not to mention their closeness without hearing your ugly words in my ears, all too aware of the violence you have inflicted upon mother? And now I'm supposed to forget all that and slap your shoulders like a fellow man. As long as I still obey you without question in the Throne, of course. Live your dream. One day you will see that it was all it was.

Back at the Anchev household Winski and Jelena were holding each other in the afterglow of lovemaking. They were facing each other, and Winski was playing with Jelena's curls. Jelena remembered thinking Winski's yellow eyes were somehow frightening, but now she didn't feel that way any more. They were just eyes of someone who was determined not to get hurt. She knew what kind of inner fighting went on behind them.
- "What do you think we would be like if there was no Reiltar, and Sarevok was just an ordinary boy?" mused Jelena.
- "I don't know. But as for Sarevok, if he was an ordinary boy, he wouldn't be Sarevok. Remember, he's a godschild, and his first memory was that they were about to sacrifice him to the god in question. That kind of thing does affect a child, as does the life in the streets. If he was, as you put it, an ordinary boy, he would be long dead," replied Winski.
- "You are right. It was stupid of me. I guess I just wish this wasn't so complicated. That it didn't just have to be moments stolen away, feeling the true love I never knew even was there for me, and dreading all the time... and worrying about what to do about Sarevok..."
- "Understandable enough. I sometimes wonder... I thought once that magic and intellectual exercise as themselves were an answer. That if I studied long enough and though hard enough I'd accomplish something, but it only gave me emptiness. Then Sarevok came along, and I found a purpose in guarding him and tutoring him into fulfilling all his potential, but here I find myself playing with gods. And not any nice ones either."
- "Do you notice how much easier it is for you to speak of potential and accomplishments than love? And yet you love Sarevok more than your own life. You even admit that if tortured sufficiently?" Jelena grinned.
- "Hey, I'm forty year old cynical evil wizard! It's not like I learn new thinking patterns just like that!" smiled Winski back.
- "I don't know if you are that evil. You just lack purpose. You could find a better place to use your talents, though, but that precisely is because of your lack of purpose."
- "What is the purpose, then? I honestly don't know," said Winski, serious again. Not that he'd easily admit that, but it was a question that had always haunted him.
- "Not gaining power for Iron Throne and Reiltar, I know that much," answered Jelena, as serious.
- "Actually, I don't intend to do that the rest of my life. I have seen you take so much darkness without flinching that perhaps this tidbit won't shock you overmuch. Long ago I made Sarevok a promise..."