Makings of a Monster

- "What do we do know? Well, I have several ideas not suitable for children, but first we should probably talk about the fact that you are married to Reiltar, who is not only dangerous, but also my employer," said Winski, trying to keep his head level. Almost whole his adult life he had tried to protect himself from the devastating power of emotions, going automatically on the sarcastic and aloof mode, to the extent that it had become his nature. He wasn't even exactly aware when he had started doing that, or that it would have been a conscious decision.

First there was Sarevok, his huge, hurt eyes that one and only time Winski had raised his hand against the boy. The heartbreaking combination of vulnerability and inborn, frightening violence, the very iniquity of the boy. The direct question, and he was forced to admit, that yes, indeed, he did love the boy, and very much so. After that there was nothing much to lose on that front so he had embraced the emotion fiercely, regarding it as the one exception of the rules even the strongest of us are allowed.

And now this. He could no longer deny that he loved this very gentle and vulnerable woman he was holding and had just kissed with passion, and all this begged a question. If you gave yourself completely away, if you didn't even try to keep in control, detached, analytical, where would it all end? What would protect you then? Wouldn't you be the easiest target for anyone with more willpower?

Jelena ruffled the man's jet black coarse hair and sat in his lap.
- "He has been somewhat different. He averts his eyes from mine," she mentioned, referring to the visible difference in Reiltar.
- "I think Allonia has scared him somehow. She wasn't very pleased with what he had done, and she can be quite intimidating. I gather you do know what she does for living."
- "You two... are you very good friends?" She carefully tried to only convey casual, neutral interest.
- "Very much so. Hell... we WERE more than that," said Winski, and hurried to continue when he saw the hurt look in Jelena's eyes, "I mean, never like real lovers but more like two friends with no-one to be faithful to. And it is over now. I didn't even know for sure if you care for me, but it just wouldn't feel right. Well, to be honest it was she who had to spell it out for me," he confessed.
- "But... why? I feel like I am nothing. I can do nothing, I have no courage or willp..."
- "Stop it, Jelena! Just... please, stop it! You have been trampled over by cruel people all your life! Who wouldn't break under such burden? You can tell lovely stories, you always make me laugh, you always make me just a tad less depressed, you can heal, you can cook, and first and foremost, you can love. And any one of those things is more than what can be said about me. I'm practising the last one, though."
- "Aren't we, aren't we feeling worthless tonight... someone, someone, tell me it isn't right..." sang Jelena, and they both laughed at their mutual self-pitying contest.

Winski looked grave again.
- "Anyway, to return to the subject of Reiltar. We must not underestimate him even though Allonia has scared him, perhaps even permanently to some extent. He holds a grudge now, and he has a volcanic temper. He can control it in the Throne, many of them have no idea what a bastard he is, but he needs his outlet allright. And if he so much as guesses that we..." he could not think of an appropriate word, "it is big, big trouble. Not only with law. If Allonia hadn't intervened, we would all be dead now. For me it would be only appropriate for my own foolishness, but for you two it would be solely because he doesn't know when to stop damaging his property." He snarled the last words.
- "He wouldn't kill Sarevok. He needs his heir."
- "Perhaps not intentionally. But he certainly would have, had Sarevok not been healed. He was completely gone. Lost it. In killing frenzy. That Sarevok disrespected him in front of his precious council was that unforgivable in his eyes. And of course, he fears the day when he will grow into his full glory and not just take the beating any more. He wants to enjoy it while he still can. It is truly dangerous, literally. I saw it."
- "I think, Winski, that the point you are trying to make is that it would be bad if he guessed that we are, if we are, having an adulterous relationship. I gathered as much myself, thank you."
The lovely half-smile. The giddy feeling of love. Gods, I don't remember how to be Winski anymore. And do I have the right to put her in this danger? What if he finds out?

But in the end he couldn't help himself. Now the secret room was also introduced to Jelena, and while she flinched a bit at the grim decorations, she found the pillows very comfortable and very much to her liking. For the first time in her life she made love. Winski let her do all the first moves, only caressing her ever so gently, so that she would not feel cramped or overpowered or forced. Afterwards, the sweetness, the gentleness, just curled next to each other. Was it like this? When girl met a boy and they happily lived ever after, had children as beautiful and wonderful as Sarevok but without the burden of terrifying memories and otherworldly darkness in their souls? Well, too late to find out that. The cards were on the table now. And they would need to play wise, their faces revealing nothing.

- "Jelena. What if Sarevok was a son of a god?"
- "You are delirious. I liked it too, very much, but..."
- "No, I mean it. It has been known to happen... ah, never mind. I have to talk with him myself as soon as we recover."
- "He IS unusual. I know that much." Jelena looked grave. Right now she felt that her life didn't need any more complications.