In The Cards

Not two pairs of lovers are exactly alike. They all have their own little secrets, their hidden meanings, their private languages and gestures. Most of which seem totally ridiculous to the outsider of course.

Excerpt from ‘Ruminations Of A Master Bard’

This time Ramazith didn’t even bother to pretend to be friendly. “Traitors!” he roared as soon as he saw the adventurers. “Do you have even the faintest idea of what you have done?”

“We set the captured nymph free,” Jaheira said, giving the wizard a cool look. “I believe that is what you requested.”

“Imbecile! Brainless half-wit! I wanted you to bring her here! Her body would have supplied such a quantity of spell-components as to make me as rich as Entar Silvershield. You will pay for this!” With a string of hastily muttered words and a few hand gestures a bright lightning bolt flew from his hand, bringing Jaheira to her knees with a muffled cry of pain.

“N-n-no!” Khalid screamed. “Jaheira! NOOOO!” Snarling with uncharacteristic fury the normally timid half-elf leapt at Ramazith, the sword of the Black King flashing purple as it arced through the air towards the wizard’s heart. It never struck its target though, for just then a silvery nimbus enveloped Ramazith, and the wizard faded from sight.

“You would fight me?” his voice taunted as it gradually faded as well. “Then so be it! Find me at the top of my tower – if you can!”

“Shouldn’t be that hard,” Edwin said with a shrug. “It’s not as if there are all that many places to hide at the top of a tower. (And besides, his inferior party-trick magic will be no match for the unbridled fury of my power.)”

Fortunately Jaheira hadn’t been seriously harmed, and after Yeslick had come to her aid and healed her she was soon able to stand on her own feet, shaking off all efforts to assist her. “I am fine!” she eventually snapped. “I am no baby and need no coddling, Khalid, so kindly stop dancing about like a hen trying to lay an egg.”

“I am s-s-sorry Jaheira,” the warrior said, a small smile on his narrow face. “But t-telling me not t-to worry for you is l-like telling the ocean to d-dry up or the s-sun to cool down. It’s all a p-p-part of loving you.”

Zaerini was looking straight at Jaheira at that moment, and so she was able to catch the sudden shift of expression on the druid’s face, the brief and infinitely tender look that leapt into her eyes as she gazed upon her husband. She was certain that Khalid noticed it as well. Then the moment passed and Jaheira was back to her normal brisk self, but still smiling faintly. “Poetic ramblings,” she said, but her voice was warm. “That will get us nowhere. Surely you remember that we have a wizard to fight?”

“Y-yes, Jaheira.”

They love each other so much, Zaerini thought as she watched her two friends. They just have their own way of expressing that love. As do we all, I suppose.

The first few floor of Ramazith’s tower were relatively easily stormed. There were kobolds, hobgoblins and zombies, none of them posing a particularly great threat. The biggest problem was climbing all the seemingly endless stairs, which where made from glittering white stone, and more than a little slippery. Even worse, if you didn’t watch yourself very carefully they tried to throw you off, imbued as they were with some sort of enchantment. Rini correctly guessed that Ramazith had probably planned it that way; so that unwelcome visitors would be exhausted by the time they reached him, while he could simply teleport to the top. Then, however, came a really serious obstacle. “There’s something really bad up there,” Imoen whispered as she returned from her scouting of the next floor. “Looks a bit like a flesh golem, but it’s bigger and not the same color.”

Edwin’s head turned sharply in her direction. “Can you describe it more accurately?” he said in a business-like voice. “I am an expert on all the known kinds of golems, you know. I even had a doll-golem of my own when I was a child.”

“Doll-golem?”

“Oh yes. A golem in the shape of a child’s stuffed toy, a very effective guardian. But unless you found a ferocious teddy-bear upstairs I assume that’s not it.”

Imoen shook her head. “It looked like a very big man, bigger even than Sarevok. It had a flat face and no neck, and big strong arms.” She shuddered briefly. “And very big fists. Oh, yeah. And it smelled a bit like mud, now that I think about it.”

Edwin’s face went grim. “A clay golem,” he said. “Not as bad as it could be – at least it isn’t a Juggernaut – but dangerous all the same. Only blunt enchanted weapons will even dent them, you know. Swords will do no good.”

As if on cue everybody turned to look at Yeslick, and at the moderately enchanted hammer he had been fortunate enough to find in Durlag’s Tower. Zaerini tried to form a mental image of a golem bigger than Sarevok. The dwarf seemed very small next to it.

“No way!” Imoen exclaimed. “He’ll get smashed!”

“There, there,” Yeslick said. “Clangeddin’s will be done.”

“D’you really think Clangeddin wants to see your skull cracked open like an egg? Because I don’t. Why don’t we just leave Ramazith alone?”

“I don’t think that’s an option,” Rini said, shaking her head so that her red locks danced about her face. “He was very angry. If we don’t take him out now he’s going to come after us later, when we may not be prepared for it.” She barely managed to catch her balance as the stairs once again tried to break her neck. “Stupid stairs…”

“You know,” Edwin pensively said, “that gives me an idea…”

A short while later Zaerini and Imoen were both hunched down at the top of the stairs, one to either side, both of them invisible. Rini tried not to look at the golem that paced tirelessly around the chamber where the stairs ended; sometimes passing by so close that she could have touched it if she’d reached out her hand, and the smell of clay was thick in her nostrils. The floor shook slightly under its great weight with every step it took, and yes, it was indeed taller than even Sarevok. Its face was flat and looked like it had been squashed, sort of as if it had been molded by an impatient child without much artistic skill. The large head rested directly on top of the massive chest, and its arms and fists were enormous. She tried not to think about one of those fists connecting with her head. Slowly waddling from side to side on bowed legs it wore a sort of leather loincloth. I really can’t imagine why, Rini thought. It’s not as if it has anything to be modest about. Or at least I hope so. Eeeeewwww!

And then Edwin stepped up the stairs, passing around the bend so that he became visible to the golem. He still hadn’t had the chance to replace his previously broken staff and so was unarmed except for a small sling, and he looked hideously vulnerable to the bard’s eyes. She was starting to wonder if this had been such a good idea after all. “You there!” the wizard cried out in an imperious voice. “Mud-head! Are you as stupid as you are ugly?” Then he flung a rock at the golem, hitting it square on the forehead.

The golem slowly turned its head, making no sound whatsoever, but the dull orange glow in its eyes increased a little. Still silently, it raised its hand, activating one of its innate magical abilities, and then it was no longer slow or clumsy. With lightning-quick speed it thundered towards the stairs, intent on protecting its master’s abode and on crushing the intruder. It was then that Zaerini and Imoen raised the rope they were holding between them. Moving too quickly to stop, the golem crashed straight into the rope, losing its balance, trying to flail its arms around to regain its footing. Too late. The golem’s clay face wasn’t designed to express surprise, but if it had been it surely would have. Edwin just managed to press himself against the wall as the giant clay construct tumbled past him down the enchanted stairs with a sound like rolling thunder straight overhead, cracks forming all over its body as they struck it again and again. Eventually, the booming noises were replaced with a sound reminiscent of a very large clay pot shattering into a million pieces.

“It is dead,” Jaheira said in a satisfied voice once she had crept down the stairs to check on the golem. “The largest bits are no bigger than my thumbnail. Well done, Edwin. A clever plan.”

“Of course,” the wizard said, preening. “All my plans are clever, cunning, diabolical and ingenious.” He had a very pleased smile on his face. “Killing a golem with a single sling shot is only a feat worthy of my greatness. (I can’t wait until I get the chance to thoroughly describe it to an appreciative audience.)”

“It was an excellent plan,” Rini agreed. “I hope we’ll be able to handle Ramazith as easily.”

Ramazith, as it happened, was waiting in the final chamber at the top of the stairs past the room where the golem had been. Imoen scouted ahead once again and was able to report that the wizard was pacing back and forth, looking very nervous. The noisy destruction of his golem could hardly have escaped him.

“Hm,” Rini said. “Let’s see if we can make that nervousness work against us. I think it’s time Big Brother gave us a hand once again.” She carefully climbed the stairs, taking care to keep out of sight of the doorway at the top of them, and then she used her power of mimicry and sent her voice flying. As she had done before, she let her voice take on the aspect of Sarevok in all its deep and booming glory. “Ramazith!” Sarevok’s voice bellowed from within the wizard’s chamber. “It is time to meet your doom. Face me if you dare! Face the new Lord of Murder!”

“Yyyaaarrrgh!” Ramazith screamed, and fired off several spells in the direction from which the voice had sounded, blasting a priceless cabinet into smithereens.

“Spineless worm!” the voice of Sarevok boomed again, this time behind Ramazith’s back. “Do you think your puny magic can harm ME? A GOD?”

Wild-eyed and with his beard standing on end Ramazith once again tried to obliterate his invisible assailant, once again in vain. The deep-throated evil chuckle that rang in his ears did nothing to calm him down.

That ought to take care of at least his most dangerous spells, Rini thought. Now to move before he figures it out.

“Worry not about the nymph’s bodyparts!” she shouted, still in Sarevok’s voice, and still projecting it into empty air, this time directly over Ramazith’s head. “Try to worry about your own!” With that she sent a bright Fireball into the room, and as she heard the wizard shriek with pain and smelled the burning flesh she smiled in a way that would certainly have unsettled her companions had they seen it. The fires were dancing in her blood as well, dancing as they had when she faced Ragefast. Him she had spared. This one she would not, and a part of her soul, the darkest and deadliest part, rejoiced at the thought of the slaughter ahead.

Ramazith had wasted several of his spells already, but he was still a deadly foe. Throwing up a magical shield he responded with a blast of blue light, and Edwin and Imoen got caught in it, whipped by the power of magically induced cold. Khalid and Yeslick vainly tried to break through the shimmering shield surrounding the wizard, their weapons making not the slightest dent on his body. Then a spell cast by Jaheira dissolved Ramazith’s magical protection, and the wizard screamed as several of Zaerini’s Magic Missiles hit him in the face. But when the sword of the Black King pierced his heart he did not scream. He simply bent forwards and collapsed, blood trickling from his mouth and into his long beard, and no spells came forth as he breathed out one final time.

“And th-that was for h-h-hurting Jaheira,” Khalid said.

Once the wounded party members had been seen to, the time came to search Ramazith’s tower. There were some interesting scrolls in his bookshelves, and one very interesting magical tome. Rini examined it carefully. If she were correct about this she wouldn’t regret having come to this place. Edwin, meanwhile, appropriated the dead wizard’s staff, smiling delightedly as he slid his hands along the runes winding themselves along it. “Very nice,” he said. “It holds a great deal of power. And not only that. Watch!” As he pressed a certain spot along the shaft a sharp blade slid out of the top of the staff, looking very deadly indeed. “This can be most useful in an extreme situation. (Not that I am likely to ever run out of spells, my masterful mind being able to memorize so many more than that of a mere ordinary mortal, but nevertheless a useful weapon.) And it makes me look even more dangerous and intimidating than before.” He struck a proud pose with the staff, narrowly missing giving Khalid an unwanted shave and grinned like a small child with a delightful birthday present.

“Sure, Eddie,” Zaerini said with a smile of her own. “You look really cute.”

“Not cute! I said intimidating, are your pointy ears so clogged with wax that you didn’t hear me the first time? (Though in her case I suppose I could make an exception.)” Then he fell silent as the half-elf patted him on the arm.

“Right,” she said. “Very…intimidating.”

After the ordeal of Ramazith’s tower the adventurers felt the need for some relaxation, not to mention some good food, and they set course for a nice tavern where they enjoyed an excellent meal. “Oh, chocolate pudding!” Imoen exclaimed as the dessert was set on the table. “Yummy! Don’t you think so, Rini?”

The bard didn’t answer. She had to concentrate on keeping her mouth shut in order not to drool on the tablecloth.

“Here,” Edwin said, pushing his own bowl across the table. “You have it, I’m full already.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” the wizard said, with a smile that seemed almost shy. “I…would like you to have it.”

“That’s very kind of you,” Rini said, her golden eyes glittering as she looked into those of the wizard. “And I must repeat, I think you’re the most intimidating wizard I’ve ever met.” She felt as if she were dancing on clouds, and not primarily because of the chocolate itself either. In fact, she felt happy enough that not even the slight stomachache she felt after finishing off the two bowls of chocolate-pudding bothered her in the least.