Patricia didn’t feel like talking to anyone after they left the temple. She was still too upset with herself, and even just being within twenty feet of Anomen was difficult. She felt she owed him an apology, but she had no idea how she was going to be able to deliver it. Lady Delcia was more or less an act of the gods, and there had probably been little either Nalia or Anomen could do to dissuade her without appearing intolerably rude or callous.

She had to admit to herself that she was really just angry that he didn’t appreciate all the effort she’d made on his behalf over the past few days. It wasn’t Anomen’s fault that he didn’t know she could feel every moment of pain he’d had. He’d probably even be angry if he did know, because he’d find it unbearably intrusive. Unconsciously she sighed. Keldorn was walking next to her and heard it. “Are you all right, Patricia? You and Anomen took the brunt of the punishment in our last encounter. Do you wish to rest for a while?”

“No, I am fine,” she replied. “It’s just been a bit… draining on my spirits.” She lowered her voice to a near-whisper. “You do not know just how horrible this has been for Anomen. I was there when he faced his father’s demands, and frankly I don’t know how he stood up to him. If I look a bit worn, imagine how the past few days have been for him. It was his sister, after all.” She hesitated. “He does not yet know of my heritage. Would you do me the kindness of not volunteering the information just yet? If he or Nalia should ask, by all means tell them, but not before. There will be time enough on the road for explanations.”

She saw that the paladin was looking at her thoughtfully. “Sometime we must have a discussion ourselves,” he remarked. “You say you were unaware of your heritage as a child. Do you feel that it pulls you strongly now?”

She furrowed her brow. “Only occasionally. Usually in nightmares. Of course, I haven’t really had many normal moments since I escaped from Irenicus. I can tell you that I’m in a sad state indeed, Sir Keldorn--- I’m actually looking forward to two days spent astride a horse, in the hopes that it will be a respite!”

Perhaps it would allow her to resolve her distress about Anomen as well, she thought hopefully. With luck, it would be a case of “least said, soonest mended”. She certainly hoped the journey would help her place things into their proper perspective. She couldn’t count on him to be there for always; his Test would probably take him away from their company soon enough. It was ridiculous to have been so disturbed by a single smile, to have taken such joy from an unconscious handclasp. And it was downright wrong to have been so upset when he reacted unpleasantly.

Keldorn laughed, a hearty roll that raised her own spirits. “You are indeed a reluctant horsewoman, then, Lady Patricia?”

“I merely find it easier to keep my own hide intact when I don’t have to worry about another creature’s as well,” she answered. “I can’t bear to see riders abandon a horse, leaving it behind as an offering to whatever creature is pursuing them. And it’s impossible to take horses into most ruins, which means that either you risk losing them to the local predators, or one of you stays behind to guard them. In winter you absolutely must bring along extra feed, and there’s the saddle and tack to maintain, plus farriery, so all in all it’s more trouble than joy to me.” Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Anomen had been slowly drawing closer ever since Keldorn’s bellow of laughter.

“Well, I am grateful for your indulgence of an old man, then,” the paladin said cheerfully. “Sometimes I feel as if I’ve grown to the saddle. However, since Minsc and I already have mounts, perhaps we two could stay here and look for evidence of the Fallen Paladins, or this serial killer.”

“I’ve got my own horse, too, Patricia, and I’d rather go with Sir Keldorn,” added Nalia.

“Well, I’m no judge of horseflesh myself, Keldorn, so I wanted Minsc’s advice. I really don’t want to choose on my own,” Patricia objected.

“Ah, I see Squire Anomen has not yet revealed all his talents, then,” the paladin chuckled. “He’s something of an expert, by all accounts, and should have no trouble selecting adequate animals.” He turned to the Watcher. “Well, Anomen, will you consent to make the selection of mounts for yourself, Lady Patricia, and Jan?”

“Oh, buy me whatever,” Jan interjected. “A griffin’d be favorite, though. Failing that, a fat gray pony will do nicely.”

“Why fat?” asked Nalia carelessly.

“Because fat ones make better griffin bait, Nally dear. As your official master, I can see I’m going to have to spend some time educating you about the habits of these creatures.”

“Jan! You wouldn’t!” Nalia cried in horror.

“But of course I will! I take my tutoring responsibilities very seriously indeed!”

“I mean, you wouldn’t really use a live pony for bait, would you? That’s just horrid! Oh, Patricia, you won’t let him, will you?”

The monk couldn’t help but laugh at Nalia’s wide-eyed earnestness. “Even if Jan were being serious--- which I doubt--- no, Nalia, I wouldn’t let him be so cruel. If he really wants to try to capture a griffin, he needs to talk to Minsc.”

She made an effort, and turned to Anomen. “Would it be too much of an imposition? We can ask Lady Delcia to lend us a groom to help lead back the third animal.”

He seemed to leap at that idea, which made her think he was as eager as herself to avoid a tête-à-tête. “An excellent plan, since it seems Jan could care less.”

Patricia scented danger here, and hastened to pour oil on the waters. “I’m sure he trusts your judgment implicitly.”

“He’d better,” replied Anomen grimly. “Well, let’s get it over with then. I hate haggling with horse traders.”

The two broke away from the others, promising to meet at the Copper Coronet for dinner. They were silent during the whole of the short walk to Caan House. Patricia’s request for a groom was readily granted. One would meet them near the East Gate in an hour. They were on their way again when Patricia finally felt that she had to say something, or else she’d appear as if she were still holding the ring episode against him.

“Anomen, I’d no idea you had a particular fondness for horses.”

“I like horses, but I loathe horse buying,” he said tersely. He caught her look of surprise at his vehemence, and grudgingly said, “You couldn’t know. My family’s business once largely consisted of two things: dealing in wines and spirits, and shipping thoroughbreds between Amn and Calimshan. Horses are in my blood, so to speak. When I was ten, Father had a bad fall off a horse he was examining at Saerk Farrahd’s livestock pens. It took him a good two years to really get over it, even with magical healing. He was... just too scared to go back, I guess. What he said was that he’d found out how Saerk was cheating his customers, and in revenge the Farrahds had ordered the groom to spook the horse. He’d always drunk a good bit, but after the fall the wine began to flow like water.”

“Mother did the only thing she could do. She took over the business. Mother was just as good a horsewoman as he was; she must have told us a thousand times how they met at a gymkhana. By the time I was thirteen, things began to get better, and Father was almost able to face walking into a riding ring again. On Mother’s insistence, I had been allowed to join the novitiate despite Father’s objections. I often wonder what would have happened if Father had been able to pull himself together earlier. He was not always so harsh; Mother and Moira, at least, he adored. Sometimes… sometimes even I managed to please him.”

Thank the Five she wasn’t touching him this time, Patricia thought. She was only getting the edges of the pain from here, and it was old enough to have the sharpest bits rubbed off.

“But then Mother was in the stableyard one day and a new stallion broke loose. He’d scented that a deliveryman’s mare was in heat on the other side of the wall, and amid the confusion Mother was trampled. She couldn’t run very fast, Patricia. She---,” he stopped for a moment, closing his eyes.

“She and Father had come to visit me at the temple just a few days before. I was going to have a little brother, they told me. It was the happiest I’d seen either of them in three years. Even Moira was happy, and so I was pleased too. They took me on a picnic. With another son on the way, Lord Cor seemed to feel that he could finally allow me to be what I wished, not what he wanted. He gave me my shield that day. It’s been in the family for generations.” He stared at the ground. “Then within a tenday, Mother was gone. There was too much damage, and nothing could be done. That was the first time I ever sang the Helm Song for someone I loved. In a way, that was the end of my childhood.”

She jerked reflexively at the hurt intrinsic in that statement. “Anomen, you don’t have to do this! Let me go back and get Minsc.”

“But I still love horses, milady,” the Watcher replied. “Truth to tell, perhaps it was the sight of the knights of the Order flashing by on horseback that first fueled my dreams. I don’t blame all horses for my mother’s death, or even Saerk, as my father does. But I never liked haggling, and I like bargaining over horses even less. I am ashamed to admit it, milady, but it is my pride that I am afraid will be pricked at the East Gate. I don’t like to be thought the son of a failure by those men, or be considered a failure myself because I didn’t take to a life of trade.”

“You’re no failure, Anomen. You’ve simply dared to follow your own dream.”

He sighed. “I wish I could think so. Patricia, I--- I do apologize for this afternoon. I was in a miserable state, and I vented my anger on you. I am sorry that I let the blackness overcome me to such an extent.” He stopped dead, and stared over her shoulder, avoiding her gaze. “As for… what happened… I was unaware of what I was doing, and did not mean to take a liberty.”

Patricia found that she felt almost disappointed. Oh, stop it! You know that even if he did like you, he’s under severe restrictions. Ajantis told you all about that, remember? Snap out of it! It would actually be cruel to wish him to return these feelings you’re beginning to entertain. Bottle them back up where they belong.

“You’re under a misapprehension. You only tried to stop me from taking away something that was yours. An instinctive reaction, and nothing for which you need apologize.” She would choose to forget the smile on his face that had momentarily melted her own heart. “In my turn, I would like to assure you that I had no intention of taking that item permanently. I merely needed to startle you enough to return you to yourself.”

“I could never doubt that in any sane moment, milady.” Tentatively, they smiled at each other. Patricia was relieved that she hadn’t lost a friend.

They resumed their trek. Soon the smell of many stables announced that they were nearing the East Gate. The nearby corrals teemed with horses. “We haven’t come at the best possible moment, Patricia,” Anomen said briskly. When she glanced over at him, she was startled to see the change in his demeanor. His eyes showed keen interest, and though he normally stood straight as an arrow, now he somehow seemed even larger.

“Why? Because it’s getting on in the afternoon?”

“Aye. Some of the horses will already have been turned out to the guarded paddocks just outside the gates to get an evening grazing and some exercise. Also, new horses generally appear the morning after they arrive, and the best are often gone by midday. But we are not looking for racehorses, hunters, or even carriage horses; the animals we want are good, steady hacks. That means we should concentrate on those four traders.” He gestured with his arm in various directions. “The others, like Saerk, specialize in delicate high-bred animals or other sorts we don’t need. Our best bet for the pony is Cisfran Surefoot; he specializes in mounts for dwarves, gnomes, and halflings. In fact, I’d say we should get two ponies, so we have an extra pack animal and a spare in case one animal goes lame.”

“Let’s start with him, then,” Patricia suggested, and settled herself in to watch a master at work. It was a good thing she did, for it was a good hour before Anomen had settled a deal with the blond halfling for one gray and one bay pony. In the meantime, she’d spotted and collared Delcia’s groom and taken a quick run past the other traders Anomen had pointed out herself.

“I’m almost afraid to ask, milord, but is it going to take as long to choose for ourselves?” she inquired as Anomen passed the reins of their new acquisitions to the stableboy.

“That depends, Lady Patricia. Did you see anything that was even remotely suitable on your own rounds?”

“None of them leapt out at me, but I pretend to no expertise whatsoever. I could identify a raging case of the glanders or saddlesores, but little more,” she replied.

“Ah!” Anomen said jocularly. “Well, do you at least have a favorite color?”

“Oh, why settle for just one shade? Piebald, by all means!” she replied in the same tone. “But why don’t you ask Gristman, here? He knows more than I do.”

The groom seemed startled at being addressed so by Lady Delcia’s guests. “Well, milady, I think there was five or six that looked to be fair-kept. Mostly geldings, sir, if it makes any difference to you.”

“Actually, that would be preferable. Who had the ones that caught your eye?”

“Yulush and Travinall had two, the rest were at Wasuf’s, milord,” Gristman answered.

Patricia started. Over Anomen’s shoulder, she was seeing something she’d never thought to see again. A stableboy was leading over a pair of horses that had a distinctive walk. They nodded their heads in time with their steps, though the groom was obviously trying to prevent them. “Anomen--- watch these two horses coming up behind you as they pass.” After they’d gone by, still trying to move their heads in spite of the groom’s efforts, she asked, “Have you ever seen a horse do that before?”

He said, “It’s considered a flaw for a horse to bob their head that much in a walk. And their gait was peculiar to say the least; they weren’t quite a racker or a pacer. It almost looked like their feet were deformed. Odd for a pair to be brought in like that.”

She didn’t know how it could be, but she was absolutely positive. That wasn’t a flaw, that was a true flat-foot walk. “Anomen, get whoever’s got them to saddle one of them. The blue roan, for preference, it’s a bit shorter.”

The Watcher and the groom both stared at her as if she were out of her mind. “Milady, did you not hear me? I said it’s likely they’re deformed. Wasuf must be saving them for greenies.”

“You know far more about horses in general, Anomen, but I know that head-bobbing walk. My father’s gelding did exactly the same thing, I just never expected to see another one, since he brought it across with him. Pray this Wasuf doesn’t know what he’s got.” She stopped for a moment. “Actually, no, don’t even have him saddle them. Just go make sure they haven’t any horrible diseases. I won’t ruin your reputation, I’m going to buy them both myself, and then I’ll let you ride one and see if you want it.”

He started to protest, but she said, “It’s a special off-world breed, blast it! They’re the smoothest-riding horses you’ll ever mount. Papa used to study his spellbook on Chaucer’s back, for crying out loud! I know a Walking Horse when I see one. You’ve got the opportunity of a lifetime here, and you’re about to ignore it. That’s a mare and a stallion!”

Anomen shut his mouth with a click. “All right, milady, show me this wonder, if you are so certain.”

“No, buy them first,” she replied. “Trust me, Wasuf will raise the price if he sees me riding it.”

“Wasuf is convinced all Delryns are fools,” Anomen said grimly twenty minutes later. “I got the pair for a hundred and fifty danters, and all the tack we’ll need for thirty more. Milady, I have placed my full trust in you. May Helm show it warranted.”

She smiled. “Did these two come with names?”

“No. They were sold to him in a job lot with about fifteen others a few days ago. He didn’t say, but I’ve a feeling it was bandits ridding themselves of excess livestock.”

“Well, I’ll ask Minsc to find out what their names are tomorrow, then.” She hesitated. “I know this was hard on your pride, Anomen. I appreciate the sacrifice. Come on, we’ll see what they can do. Wasuf said we could take a turn or two around the ring, yes?”

“Once he had the coin safely in hand, he agreed readily enough,” Anomen said, grunting as he threw a saddle on the blue roan mare. “You’re stuck with them now, at any rate,” he added, as he put the other one on the chestnut stallion and cinched it. “They seem docile enough, anyhow. What did you---.” He stopped as Patricia heaved herself into the mare’s saddle and took off with only a hackamore for a bridle.

Oh, it was glorious! She’d never have to dread the bone-jarring pounding of a full day on the road again. She’d almost forgotten how lovely it was to meld so effortlessly to a mount. She chirruped as she passed the now open-mouthed Anomen and entered the second circuit, and the blue-gray beast obediently speeded up into the running walk that covered more ground and made her feel as if she were gliding along above the earth.

As she came around for the third pass, Anomen pulled the chestnut in alongside her, accelerating quickly from the flat-foot to the running walk. “Don’t try to check the nod; walking horses are supposed to move their heads in time with their feet. Is that Wasuf standing in the center of the barn door?” she asked.

“Aye, and regretting his mistake every bit as much as you had anticipated,” Anomen said respectfully.

“Well, let’s show him their rocking canter, so he can become even greener! It will feel a bit peculiar at first, but you’ll soon get used to it. It’s not half as painful as an ordinary canter.” Together they urged their mounts on, and the even glide changed to a motion that made them feel as if they were sitting in a rocking chair, gently teetering back and forth. After one cantering lap, they gradually dropped back to the flat-foot walk, making one more circuit until they drew up next to Gristman, who was holding the ponies.

“Begging your pardon, milady, but I’ve never seen so smooth a flow on any beast before. ‘Twas truly a wondrous sight to behold!” cried the groom. “You scarce seemed to move in the saddle at all.”

“I missed Chaucer dreadfully when he died when I was twelve. No other breed of horse is ever as satisfactory after you’ve had a ride on one of these,” Patricia replied. “Take the ponies on, Gristman, please; Lord Anomen and I will join you shortly. I need to get an extra saddlebag.”

As the groom left, she reached up affectionately to rub the mare’s white-tipped nose. “You’re a fine girl, indeed you are, and I think I’d best not let you out of my sight until we get you safely bolted in for the night.”

“You may well have the right of it, my lady,” said Anomen in a low voice. “Wasuf himself is an honorable dealer, but there are many others who watched us. Amnish horse trading is a cut-throat business, by and large. That is why I couldn’t stomach it. We had best take only the most public thoroughfares back.”

“As you wish, milord. I trust you implicitly. May I take it that you find the stallion acceptable?”

He gave the horse a long, satisfied look, and Patricia could have sworn that the chestnut returned it. “My lady, you may not know much about horses, but you certainly have a knack for finding the best.” He fumbled at his belt. “Shall I pay you now or later?”

“You’ll not give me a copper,” she found herself saying sharply. “This is my gift to you.”

“But Patricia---,” he began to protest.

“Not a copper! Wasuf would have tried to charge me four times what he charged you, and don’t think I am unaware of the fact. I could have bartered him down to three hundred, maybe--- and they’re worth every bit of it--- but I’d never have been able to do what you did.” She had an inspiration. “Anomen, please let me do this. Take it as your payment for service well rendered. Consider yourself released from my service.”

As she’d hoped, he exploded. “What? You would send me away? I had thought… I had thought you wished me to accompany you to the Windspear Hills.”

“I do.”

“Then why---”

“Because it has always made me uncomfortable to hear you say that you were in my service. I didn’t hire you, Anomen, you joined the group, and I thought that was clear when we discussed the terms. Every time there’s been a dividing of the spoils we have all shared and shared alike. We buy the necessities from the common funds and split the rest evenly. Yet you persist in making yourself sound like a lesser being, and I can’t stand it any more. What do I have to do to get you to understand that I consider you to be my friend, my partner, and not my employee? This is not the Radiant Heart, Anomen; I refuse to be either your superior or your subordinate. We are equals, or we are nothing.”

She waited with bated breath to see how he would respond. Could he--- would he--- accept the friendship as it was offered? Could he begin to see himself as a worthy person in and of himself, without having to depend on his birth or his Order membership to prop up his ego? She hadn’t left him much choice, but he was taking an awfully long time to respond.

“You would give my counsel the same weight as Sir Keldorn’s?” He looked confused, yet hopeful.

“Keldorn is as much my equal as you are. So is Jan. If it’s a question of magic, I listen to Jan with extra care. If it’s a question of horses, well, from now on it’s going to be you. On fighting, I think you and Keldorn both know more than I do.” She added, “I’m not asking you and Keldorn to treat each other in exactly the same way, because you both belong to the same Order. You should still behave towards him in whatever way you deem proper given your respective positions. But you owe me no such duty.”

He looked full at her then, and the earnest expression on his face brought a strange weight to her chest. “You have been a light for me in these last few dark days, milady. I owe you much.”

“No more than any friend owes another,” she replied, willing her heart to beat slower. “Who knows what Fate will bring? It may be that you must do as much for me sometime.”

“I submit to your superior wisdom, then. If you will not let me serve you, Lady Patricia, then I shall gladly be your friend.”

She sighed with relief. “Oh, good. It was going to be an awful bore trying to hunt down another priest on short notice if you’d said no.” She twinkled her eyes at him to show she was joking. “Come on. If we hurry, maybe Minsc can even find out what these lovely creatures’ names are tonight.” As they walked away, she began to softly sing an old lullaby to her new steed:

‘When you wake
You shall have
All the pretty little horses
Black and bay
Dapple and gray
All the pretty little horses.’