7 Mirtul, 1369 DR

Well, Imoen, here I am, scribbling away by the light of a pine torch and a small bonfire. Sister, sister, you’d better be okay when I find you, or I may just have to rip off a few wizards’ heads. Yes, it’s been that kind of day. Well, maybe not all day. It did stop raining after a while, but then the wind picked up with a knife-like chill. But big deal, right? For all I know, you could be in some dank oubliette, or being tortured. I should ignore my minor problems.

The seventh of the month… now why does that ring a bell? Oh, yes. Well, that might explain why I snapped so at Jan. Hopefully it will hold off until we’ve cleared the de’Arnise keep. But I still should have kept my temper a little better, even though I can’t bear being called Patty. Now I’ve just let him know where a chink is, and I’m sure he’ll find some way to use it to annoy me.

No, I’d better admit the real reason I was so tough on Jan. The other issue can’t excuse me. I let what Anomen said get to me first. Why did Nalia have to choose that moment to butt in? Now the man thinks I hate him, or worse yet, thinks that I believe him to be a fool, just because I didn’t get to finish a statement. I think I’m beginning to understand why Delaine sometimes rolled her eyes at Winthrop and Gorion and muttered “MEN!” under her breath. This is stupid. I shouldn’t be here writing in my journal as if I were talking to you, sis. I should be trying to mend my fences. I don’t know if he’ll let me explain, but I’ve got to try. I want to both whack him upside the head for being so sensitive, and beg his forgiveness. Hah! Listen to who’s talking, little miss thin-skinned herself. As if you didn’t know that’s the real reason I can’t stand to see anyone else hurting. Empathy is rotten at times like this. I hate being able to comprehend someone else’s suffering when I’m the one who caused it. It’s twice as bad, because of all the accompanying weight of guilt. All those years of training, and still my control wavers. But none of this changes the essential facts of the situation, which are that I’ve unintentionally hurt Anomen’s feelings, and as the leader of the group, it’s my job to try to fix the problem. A misunderstanding like this spells death for party cohesion, and that’s the last thing we need if we’re supposed to go fight those trolls Captain Arat’s talking about.

I forgot to mention that, Immy. It seems Nalia’s hasty decision to bolt off for Athkatla was actually warranted. This isn’t some ordinary dispute between two nobles; Lord de’Arnise seems to have had no great enemies. In the normal course of things, if a force from another house had done the invading, a ransom for the Lord would have been demanded. Yet Captain Arat says no word at all has come from within the Keep, though the creatures within can clearly see the stockade erected by the remainder of the Guards.

I don’t like it at all. Which is all the more reason for me to stop stalling and go talk to Anomen, who has more large-scale fighting experience than anyone else here. Besides, I could go blind trying to write in this poor light. Cross your fingers, Immy, wherever you are.